If you heard that one little girly voice in your head go “gossip girl” after reading XOXO then I am glad I got your attention.

Sometimes people come and go in your life and even if you hate to see it happen you know it happens. When I was in high school it was nothing like Gossip Girl, it was more like… One Tree Hill and Laguena Beach. I use to be part of a huge friend group, but one girl ruled us all. She made sure that she had a say in what others did and what others wore and who they dated. You would think she was the best friend of all but if you dare wore hoop earrings and parted your hair like she did oof get out of the way because she would make your day miserable. She now hates my guts because I finally stood up for myself and didn’t care if she had my back or not. I stood up and told her to screw off. I parted my hair how I wanted to, I talked to who I wanted to, and I wore hoop earrings all the time. I listened to music she would hate, I hung out with people that were not good for me, and oh yeah, I interested boys. I got guys attention and that realllyyy pissed her off. I had ex’s that actually wanted to be friends with me, I had guys come up and talk to me or even be my friend. She use to have to set everything up for us. I remember one time I dated a guy just because she said so. He was one of my good friends and I liked him and I told her so she… made the dates. But here’s the thing, when I finally figured out how to talk to guys without her help, I realized she was just this lonely girl who needed to have something in her control. If her life wasn’t going to be a perfect CW type show, she needed to make it one. I decided I wanted to wear hoop earrings and I wanted to talk to who ever I wanted to talk to. I realized I didn’t need her help because I was becoming who I was. I had friends that she didn’t like and that scared her because they were friends with futures. When I look back at my high school years I realized I wasted them in her shadow. I could have been an amazing person, I could have gone a little bit farther in my life if I didn’t waste my time making sure she was #1 on my Myspace friends and making sure her image looked good in all pictures. I wanted to be the girl on top and I think in college I finally was, but it wasn’t like her in high school, I just finally had a lot of friends who wanted to be with me and talk to me and I became someone I wanted to be.

Since a lot of high schooliers are entering the real world now, I find myself wishing I could go back to my first day of freshmen year. I find myself longing to be that shy girl who still believed in love and still had all her innocents. I find myself wishing to be the girl that still put hearts above her I’s when no one was looking. Writing notes in class to my best friends and my crushes and receiving notes in my locker or my back pack. Getting those messages on Myspace of “did you read my note?” and then having those butterflies trying to find and figure them all out. I really miss those days. But as Gossip Girl would say, “Don’t be fooled by everyone you meet, some of them aren’t always the best for you” or something like that. So I guess this is where I part my ways for now,

XOXO,

just a girl who is trying to figure things out…