I know it is not just me that is going through some tough times right now, and I am not talking about the virus that is going on right now. For me, my whole world just did a 180 turn, and I went from falling asleep next to the love of my life to falling asleep in my childhood bedroom. Now the whole why part… that is a mystery still unknown to me. All I do know is the LOML (love of my life) had a lot on his plate and put the stress of me being laid off and this virus not letting us go outside or places to escape things… he needed to IDK freak? Make drastic changes? Now don’t get me wrong we were just doing a sit com kind of same routine every day. But now that I am back in my old bedroom which means the memories come back like that Karen customer that just needs a hug from a father figure.

About four years ago, I made a drastic decision and I painted and redecorated my room. Growing up, my mom had one rule for our bedrooms, well actually two; 1. NO BOYS 2. No hanging things on the wall with out permission. I technically broke both those rules but my sister is the one who really broke the first rule. So when my sister moved out and I got to move into her room… I did one of those things that any normal girl would do. I put every photo I had of Orlando Bloom and Robert Pattinson and every kind of happy photos. Oh, and balloons! (Still to this day, I don’t know why my sister and I were so obsessed with hanging balloons.. and those frame things you can win at fairs.) Every inch of my bedroom wall was covered with memories and things that help me not feel so alone in the world.

Now yes my mom hated that I did that, she was so upset but after I came home from college, I just knew it was time for an upgrade. So like any normal teenage would do, I texted my ex boyfriend told him what I wanted to do, and he helped get the supplies for me and then when my parents went on a trip to see my sister n her family for like a month or two, I took everything out of my room, and got to work. I painted over the walls that held the darkest times in my life, the happiest times in my life and the sadiest time of my life.

But now that I am back in the room that I tried so hard to get away from, every sad memory comes back. Now not just the high school memories, but everything after that. Every mirror selfie I took and how many people loved them. Every time I cried myself to sleep because of a boy. hell even now, I cry because of my LOML and the confusing time in our life right now.

I know that this is just a bump in the road but… unpacking my stuff back in the drawers that I couldn’t wait to empty it kind of hurts. Yes there are happy memories in my room but honestly… if these four walls could talk… oh boy would they have things to say! But that’s for a different time! For now, it’s time to lay down in my bed and remember all the memories and try to fall asleep.