WARNING!!! THIS GETS PERSONAL!

There are things that everyone needs to do in their life… there are a lot of things that people need to change about themselves. But here’s there the thing, you don’t want to change yourself so much that you don’t recognized yourself in the mirror, but you want to change so you see a better you in the mirror.

For me there are many things I need to change. For starters:

• I need to be more body positive
• I need to be more optimistic and positive thinking
• I need to believe in myself more
• I need to be more happy with who I am

Now recently I have realized and been told that I have some other bad traits that I need to change about myself. And I just want to be clear, I am not putting these on a blog/web to just get attention or to just say I’m going to change and then don’t. I am putting these out here because I need to type/say it out loud for me to really realize what my flaws are, and what I really need to change. So here are the more deeper things that I need to change:

• Trusting someone
• Not letting people mess with my head
  • to affect my behavior
  • to affect how I am around other people
• To not let things get the best of me
  • to be able to talk and not get emotional about what is being said
  • to be able to just say whats on my mind and try not to hurt the other but not worry about hurting them because I don’t want to be hurt.
• To not be so jealous when there is clearly nothing to be jealous for
  • to not read between lines
  • to trust who I am with
  • to believe in my gut feelings and not trust what my eyes see

Now that list is the hardest for me to talk about or really even go into detail because I was raised to just sit and listen and then change to make that person, that boss, that significant other, that friend to like you… and that is for another time/blog. But I am one of those people that just… care all the time about what others have to either say about me, or what they think about me. I just want to belong because I have spent to much of my life trying to be this like able person instead of being me. But I mean like for a short period of time I was a person I didn’t even recognize in the mirror. I just wanted all the attention and if I didn’t have it I was miserable. More on that in a different blog, but this is about how I want to change and become a stronger better person. Because I am trying to not just show others, but prove to myself that I am not that pathetic girl anymore. I am not that sad depressed girl anymore. I don’t need a person to make me happy. (Do they help, yes. But I do not rely on my friends or significant others for my happiness. Again more of that later). I just want to be a better person for myself, and not for someone else. There are traits that I have just gained from toxic friendships/relationships, there are traits that I picked up from I guess myself over the years. I just want to be a better person to look at in the mirror at the end of the day. I don’t want to look back in the mirror at the end of the day and realized I was someone I don’t know, or that I said something that I regret. I want to live my life to the fullest and just be able to have fun and just share my happiness and love with everyone else. I don’t want to be this scared, anxious, depressed girl. It is not who I am.